There was another new awareness that came as a result of an experience with nature. It was a lesson in how to handle discouragement. This particular lesson occured while I was at the beach. Being near the ocean has always made me feel rejuvunated. The salt air, the sand, the sound of the waves and sea birds have a healing effect. The seemingly boundless expanse of the ocean and crash of the waves reminds me of God's vast presence and power.
On this paticular day I had been experiencing considerable pain in my feet. Even the feeling of socks or shoes touching them was painful, including when I was lying down. But the waves were calling me and I went in the ocean, which is one of my very favorite things in the world to do. I love to ride the waves, but in years past I never really gave a thought to what my feet were doing while catching the waves. This day I found out. There is a lot of jumping going on, with feet pounding on the sand over and over. I still couldn't resist the exhilaration of riding high on the waves as I caught each one. I felt joyous. But my foot pain was the worst it had ever been. It struck me that I was feeling both joy and intense pain at the same time. I was reminded that that is exactly what God's Word tells us about our life here. There will be pain in this world, both physical and emotional, but I can find my joy in Him. The joy of having a relationship with God can be in the forefront of my life and overshadow the pain.
However, as I pondered this thought, I considered the possibility that my physical pain may never go away. I was having difficulty accepting this, even in light of my revelation about God's joy. I was discouraged. I wanted my pain to end. I wasn't sure whether or not my faith was strong enough to endure. But God is good. He knows our limitations.. He knows our personalities, our weaknesses. He has an individual plan for each of His children. In the two years since this ocean experience, He has gently led me step by step towards a better understanding and faith that endures. He has done this through additional life experiences, through hearing and answering my prayers, through relationships, the scriptures, the faith stories of other Christians, and many other ways that are likely too complex for me to understand. I also better understood that this was the work of the Holy Spirit as my counselor, to help me recognize and comprehend God's messages to me. I now can truly say riding the waves of joy in the Lord is becoming more often my primary experience, despite the pain underneath.
So why did it take so long for me to make this degree of progress? I have been a Christian for a very long time. Why couldn't I access the joy sooner? I believe that God has been teaching and training me all along, allowing me to build upon my knowlege of Him over the years. My heart knowlege just had to catch up with my head knowlege. I did have times of joy as I gained information about him in the scriptures. But when I prayed with sincerity to also have a relationship where we could relate to one another in a familiar way, that's when things happened. I thought about what it is like when two people love each other. They want to know everything about each other. They want to spend time together. They want to share their thoughts and desires. They feel safe and accepted by each other. That's the way I wanted it to be with God, and that's what He has given me.
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