What Would Happen If I Were Healed?

This coming week, I will be receiving a new treatment for nerve pain. It involves the infusion of IV  lidocaine over a period of time.  It's not a common treatment, and from what they tell me, different people get different results, some more successful than others.  I decided I really don't have anything to lose, so I'll try it.  My pain has been increasing at an alarming rate. I now need a power chair for my house since my stool with wheels is getting too painful to use.  I do still walk occasionally outside my home for a few yards, if it's on grass.  Apart from a slight limp, most people would not even notice I am having difficulty.  If I go more than a few yards, however, it becomes obvious.  Most of the time, however, I am able to mask the pain.  Who would want to be around a person who is always grimacing?  More often than not, I just become very quiet.

As I thought about receiving this treatment, I began to wonder what would happen if it worked.  How would it feel to be pain free?  I tried to remember a time when that was the case.  I can't even remember what it was like.  I imagine I would feel very light.  I would probably have a lot more energy without battling the pain every minute. My life would probably change.  What would it be like to leave the house casually, without weighing every move?  I would feel so free. I would just appreciate letting the bedsheet touch my feet and just having it feel like a bedsheet, not like the grinding of gravel!  I would be able to rest.

I want to make something very clear.  God is good.  I'm saying that now, before I know the outcome of this new treatment.  He's good if He takes away my pain, and He is good if He doesn't.  In fact, I consider this whole illness situation to be His gift to me.  He removed the things that were distacting me from Him, like a career, freedom of activity, socializing, etc.  Instead, He made me aware that He wants a relationship with me.  When I had very little left in the way of health and activity, I asked for more of Him, which He is giving me.  And there is so much more of Him that He still wants to give.

So, now I am thinking, what will happen if I suddenly became able to do all of those earthly things again?  Will I become so busy with them that I will forget my journey with the Lord?  I was thinking the other day, if I had a choice between being healed and forgetting about my walk, or staying in pain and growing more, what would I choose?  Wow.  I wanted to be honest in my answer, so I took a long time to ponder that.  I realized that I can't give up my pursuit for intimacy with God.  To do that would make my life empty and pointless.  It's very, very hard to imagine my life with never ending physical pain.  Especially lately.  But I remind myself that I will not be alone in it.  God will hold my hand through it. He will lead me to places in His heart that I have yet to experience.